| Races of Attraction |
[04 Jan 2007|08:07pm] |
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-Races of Attraction
The Races of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life
whatever you think about people's color on their skins. Your dominant
thoughts will find a way to manifest. But the Races of Attraction gives
rise to some tough questions that don't seem to have good answers. I
would say, however, that these problems aren't caused by the Races of
Attraction itself but rather by the Races of Attraction as applied to
objective reality.
Here are some of those problematic questions
-What happens when 2 different color of people put out conflicting
intentions, like two people intending to get the same promotion when
only one position is available?
-If I intend for my relationship to improve by accpeting our different
races, but my spouse doesn't seem to care, what will happen?
These questions seem to weaken the plausibility of the Races of
Attraction. Sometimes people answer them by going pretty far out. For
example, it's been said by Losers that a young child experiences abuse
because she/he intended it or earned it during a past life. Well,
sure…i can explain just about anything if i bring past lives into the
equation, but that's a cop-out. On the other hand, objective reality
without the Races of Attraction doesn't provide satisfactory answers
either-supposedly some kids are just born unlucky. That's a cop-out
too.
I've never been satisfied by others' answers to these questions, and
they're pretty important questions if the Races of Attraction is to be
believed. Some books hint at the solution but never really nail it.
That nail, however, can be found in the concept of subjective reality.
-Subjective reality- is a belief system in which (1) there is only
one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3)
everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts
toward to the color of people.
You may not see it yet, but subjective reality neatly answers all
these tricky Races of Attraction questions. Let me 'splain'...
In subjective reality there's only one consciousness, and it's yours.
Consequently, there's only one source of intentions in your universe-
YOU. While you may observe lots of walking, talking, color of bodies in
your reality, they all exist inside your consciousness. You know this
is how your dreams work, but you haven't yet realized your waking reality
is just another type of dream. It only seems solid because you believe
(intend) it is.
Since none of the other characters you encounter are conscious in a
way that's separate from you, nobody else can have intentions. The only
intentions are yours. You're the only thinker in this universe.
It's important to correctly define the YOU in subjective reality. YOU
are not your physical body. This is not the egoic you at all. I'm not
suggesting you're a conscious body walking around in a world full of
unconscious automatons. That would be a total misunderstanding of
subjective reality. The correct viewpoint is that you're the single
consciousness in which this entire reality takes place with color of
people.
Imagine you're having a dream. In that dream what exactly are YOU?
Are YOU the physical dream character you identify with? Are YOU able to
accpet with color of people? No, of course not-that's just your
dream avatar. YOU are the dreamer. The entire dream occurs within your
consciousness. All dream characters are projections of your dream
thoughts, including your avatar. In fact, if you learn lucid dreaming,
you can even switch avatars in your dream by possessing another
character. In a lucid dream, you can do anything you believe you can.
Physical reality works the same way. This is a denser universe than
what you experience in your sleeping dreams, so changes occur a bit
more gradually here. But this reality still conforms to your thoughts just
like a sleeping dream. YOU are the dreamer in which all of this is
taking place with color of the people.
The idea that other people have intentions is an illusion because
other people are just projections (possible being scare of others). Of
course, if you strongly believe other people have intentions, then that's the
dream you'll create for yourself. But ultimately it's still an
illusion.
Here's how subjective reality answers these challenging Races of
Attraction questions:
-What happens when 2 different color of people put out conflicting
intentions, like two people intending to get the same promotion when
only one position is available?
Since you're the only intender, this is entirely an internal conflict-within YOU.
You're holding the thought (the intention) for both people
to want the same position, not the color on the skins. But
you're also thinking (intending) that only one can get it based on the color
of the skins. So you're intending competition because of that. This whole
situation is your creation. If you believe in competition, not because
of the color, then that's what you need to manifest. Maybe you have
some beliefs (thoughts and intentions) about who will get the promotion, in
which case your expectations will manifest. But you may have a higher
order belief that life is random, unfair, uncertain, etc., so in that
case you may manifest a surprise because that's what you're intending.
Being the only intender in your reality places a huge responsibility
on your shoulders. You can give up control of your reality by thinking
(intending) randomness and uncertainty, but you can never give up
responsibility. You're the sole creator in this universe. If you think
about war, poverty, disease, racism, etc., that's exactly what you'll
manifest. If you think about peace, love, and joy, respect, you'll
manifest that too. Your reality is exactly what you think it is.
Whenever you think about anything, you summon its manifestation.
-If I intend for my relationship to improve by accpeting our
different races, but my spouse doesn't seem to care, what will happen?
This is another example of intending conflict. You're projecting one
intention for your avatar and one for your spouse, so the actual
unified intention is that of conflict. Hence the result your experience,
subject to the influence of your higher order beliefs, will be to experience
conflict with your spouse. If your thoughts are conflicted, your
reality is conflicted.
This is why assuming responsibility for your thoughts is so
important. If you want to see peace in the world without seeing the color of
people, then intend peace for EVERYTHING in your reality. If you want
to see abundance in the world, then intend it for EVERYONE. If you want to
enjoy loving relationships, then intend loving relationships for ALL.
If you intend these only for your own avatar but not for others, then
you're intending conflict, divison, and separation; consequently,
that's what you'll experience.
If you stop thinking about something entirely of color, does that mean
it disappears? Yes, techincally it does but in practice it's next to
impossible to uncreate what you've already manifested.
You'll continue creating same problems just by noticing them. But when
you're assumed 100% responsibility for everything you've experiencing
in your reality-absolutely everything-then you assume the power to alter
your reality by rechanneling your thoughts.
This entire reality is your creation. Feel good about that. Feel
grateful for the richness of your world. And then, begin creating the
reality you truly want by making decisions and holding intention. Think
about what you desire, and withdraw your negative thoughts from what
you don't want. The most natural, easiest way to do this is pay attention
to your emotions. Thinking about your desire feels good, and thinking
about what you don't want make you feel bad. When you're notice yourself
feeling bad, you've caught yourself thinking about something you don't
want. Turn your focus back toward what you do want, and your emotional
state will improve rapidly. As you do this repeatedly, you'll begin to
see your physical reality shift too, first in subtle ways and then
bigger leaps.
I too am just a manifestation of your consciousness. I play the role
you expect me to play. If you expect me to be a helpful guilde, I will be.
If you expect me to be confused and deluded, I will be. But of course
there's no distinct ME that is seprate from YOU. I'm just one of your
many creations. I am what you intend me to be. But deep down you
already knew that, didn't you?
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| Is God real?.. |
[07 Nov 2006|08:18pm] |
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Diana has inspired me to write this. The truth is, I don't know what
god is like. But I think we get to know god through looking inside
ourselves. I think we are designed to to be mini versions of god. For
instance, we think things and then they are created. Whether or not we
are living in the creation we made by ourselves or with others does not
matter. The point is, we have thought something and it has been
created. I think of words to write and then they appear on the screen. You can't
get more godly than that. So I'm not saying we are God, but I think
that we are designed to relate to God. For some reason, negativity has
always been easy to create. We can create a negative thought and it is much
easier to manifest than is a positive one. Positive thoughts tend to
require a little work in order to manifest. This pull must mean that
from a scale of heaven to hell that Earth is closer to hell.
This is how I think the range goes. Heaven is the complete ease to
manifest a positive thought and the inability to manifest a negative
thought. Hell is the complete ease to manifest a negative thought and
the inability to manifest a positive thought. Somewhere along the
scale, you are pulled and tugged to have either a little less easier or harder
time to create your positive thoughts and vice versa with your negative
ones. On Earth it seems that we have almost a complete ease to manifest
our negative thoughts and a little ability to manifest our positive
thoughts. How do we over come these odds? How do we metaphorically go
against the gravity of Earth's ways and get closer to heaven? You just
fucking do. You began to understand the patterns of negativity and get
to the roots and pull it the fuck out and start growing your own plant
of positive happy thoughts. And sure we may not be able to feel the
plant that we seeded after pulling out the negative roots, but we're
growing at our own pace. We've done the hardest part by pulling out the
bad roots. Where are you on the scale? Are you having a hard time
planting your positive thoughts? Are you even trying??? Or are you
still continuing to water your plant of negative thoughts through complaints
or watering it with acceptance of the negativity that comes your way?
Another way that negative thoughts grow is through hanging on strong to
expectations. Sometimes we EXPECT something to happen one way and it
does not. And sometimes we perceive the inability for the day to go as
initially planned to be bad. And god forbid if the day that we receive
that was not initially expected has mistakes. What actually happens
sometimes may have more negatives than what was planned to happen, but
can I change that? Most likely not. So what can I change? I can change
the order in which I find meaning to that day. Today was not how I
planned it to be, but I of course, was not hanging on strong to the day
being the way I thought it would be. Lynn I assume was hanging on
strong to having a certain kind of day. (correct me if I'm wrong) I thought
that I would go to my friend's place and that there would be a lot of
people there. And also, I thought that from how diana described the
shots we were going to have that it was going to be really good. But
instead, it was Tequila Rose (which I HATE because it elicits bad
emotions). I thought the Budweiser was going to taste better than
Corona. But it was pretty damn shitty. But do I dwell on it? Absolutely
not. In fact, the only reason I am bringing it up is to show the
mistakes that the day handed to me had. I mean God should have known
better than to give me Tequila Rose, right? Now I am coming to my
point. The day that was handed to me obviously had more mistakes than I was
expecting the day to have. But instead I got to see someone who I
hadn't seen in a long time who I completely forgot how much I LOVE talking to,
I got to see the inside of her and how amazing the lights were when she
turned the ignition on to be herself, and finally I got to see and
realize that the Halloween spirit was back after the last few years of
anthrax scares. So I gladly let go of the day that I expected to have
and will accept this one for what it is. Diana, I am writing this for
you as friend. I know you are not me, but I know that you will find a way to
control the negative thoughts of life that seem to be your reality. And
I am only hoping that you use the way I handled today as a model.
Perhaps I am exxaggerating and my day didn't go as great as I try to
make it seem but that I opened windows for how great the path could
have been. You probably won't do it the same way as me, but I just wanted to
show you places where you can just let go. And like I said in the car,
if life gets boring REBOOT your mind. Slow down and saber the flavors
of life. Stop trying to swallow big bites out of life in whole. Very
similar to what a morbidly obessed person would do. They eat food so
quickly and in big chunks. What a weird way to end a blog
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| Life Path.. |
[07 Nov 2006|08:15pm] |
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there is a better plan for you that is why people unconsciously
destroy the path they are going...because deep inside, in a place that you
cannot see exists the true plan you have and you will destroy any path
you are on now unknowingly. Why do you think a person fucks up a
relationship? because deep down inside, that wasn't who they planned to
be with. And who they planned to be with cannot be known until it is
actually revealed. The same goes with your life path. you cannot know
what path you are suppose to take until you accept the destructed path
and move your mind onto another path. all you can do is fuck up the
paths you don't want. when you finally are on the right life path, you
will do remarkable things to protect your path.
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| Anthony |
[07 Nov 2006|08:14pm] |
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Yes. He is. Remember when I said that my mind became simplified? Well
he's back only better than before. Sure, I miss some of my arrogant
magic of correct predictions, but fuck it. That's not what inspires
people. That is NOT what inspires people. Just shut the fuck up. Play
the game. Play it from your heart and you know what? I will show you
the quan! You know? Okay, I just remembered I'm not Jerry McGuire. There
are reasons why I spend so much time on myself. If I understand myself, all
I have to do is carefully anchor and add and subtract emotions and
situational factors to know what someone else is feeling. I now trust
myself more than ever and in the future, I am sure I will trust myself
more. Before, I was so empathetic that I placed my heart to agree with
everyone I spoke to. Now I understand that sometimes people are a
little exaggerative, sometimes people don't value what I value, and sometimes
what I would do or want to do is not the same in what others do.
Sometimes things are based purely on logic, sometimes things are based
purely on upset emotions, and other things are based on the heart minus
the reality it heart lives in. And now all I have to do is anchor more
carefully. And be a better listener. But shit, I just can't stand ear
rapers! I can't help it. But I use my information to understand people,
not to tell them what's wrong. So that is only the first part in
helping people. On another note...I'm not sure if I would want to be a
counselor. I really can't stand ear rapers. The moment I think that
someone is talking to me because they think I'm a "good listener" I
immediately reject them. You know why? It is because I do not see
myself as a listener. I feel like Doctor House on Fox T.V. series who wants to
fix people, but doesn't care about their emotional pain. Only I care
about fixing people's emotional pain, but not because I actually care
care. It's because it's fun. It's like a sport. It's not something I
want to cry and feel like a hero. I just want you as my emotional lab
rat and if that includes briefly crying as you tell me a painful story,
that's great. I want to disconnect myself from leaches. You know what,
I don't know how much of that is true. I mean, I do care. I just don't
want any ear rapers. I figured it out! Okay here's what it is: I do not
want people to become emotionally dependent on me.
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| I'm dreaming..in the neutral-state sense... |
[07 Nov 2006|08:13pm] |
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I am needing some sense in my life. Sometimes my desire for sense is
overwhelming, other times I feel optimistic about not understanding,
and other times like today I just simply have a weird feeling. Like,
everything around me today was so weird. I know it's so cliché to
ponder on the meaning of life, but the emotions attached to this wonder is a
struggle that you can only understand from the inside. I like to read
books or listen to my cd player to forget about my detachment towards
what is around me, but I just can't.
Today this guy told me something that I have had normal conversations
about. It was a conversation about how life is a dream and that we wake
up in and out of it by going through bodies (ie: reincarnation) and
returning to the spiritual universe which is the real world. There are
just a lot of odd things about some of my observations of the other
people around me which I will not discuss publicly (ask me and I might
tell you). But back to what I was saying; I was really affected by the
discussion because I feel like I am in a dream. Life hasn't felt
lively...not like in a depressing way but in a very neutral manner.
When we actually dream, there is always some sort of neutrality to it. For
instance, in a dream when you see food you cannot taste it or when you
get touched a lot of times you can't feel it or when something very out
of the ordinary occurs you are not affected by it as durastically as
you would be in real life. Well, that's how I feel about real life. I feel
so neutral. Today, I made myself a sandwich and attempted to make it as
tasty as possible so that I could have some sort of sign of liveliness.
But honestly, I couldn't taste the goodness in the sandwich. I just ate
it. I don't even remember what it was like. And people touch me but I
don't really feel it. It doesn't make me feel good or feel violated or
anything. I just can't feel. I don't know what any of this means.
Another note: Sometimes I feel like maybe I have been overwhelmed
with so much information. A lot of things we say are not truths....but
careless observations. And we share a lot of this information as
truths. Honestly, I'm torn apart between truths sometimes. I just want to feel.
I don't know why I feel so out of place. Well, I can tell you more
about that later or something because I don't want to offend anyone on
facebook. if life is a dream then that makes dreams a sub-dream.
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| Religion |
[07 Nov 2006|08:11pm] |
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i think God's debri was a good book because it has a good philisophical
message on our existance. The author labeled it as fiction, which I think that he should have given his own intellectual insight a little more credits than that. But I know that no one likes to be bothered and critisized. This was very well-worded and think that this is something that people should remember when dealing with conflicts within religion: there's a difference between dogma and doctrine. Dogma is core
teachings, and Doctrine is belifs extrapolated from that.
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| A thought of me |
[07 Nov 2006|08:10pm] |
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My vivid emotion and imagination takes me away from the world I'm
living in so much that I tend to live in my head most of the time. I
have a great dream and ambitions that could be the envy of all....but
for me, following through with my dreams is a bit difficult. And also,i
offer people a fresh perspective on life- so fresh that it can be
shocking
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| Why do i believe college is a ripoff... |
[16 Sep 2006|02:28pm] |
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Why do I believe college is a ripoff
The college experience is not only in many ways worthless, it is in some ways worse than worthless. Since it does not provide a rational morality, but DOES provide a rational technology, it is rather like putting a gun into the hands of a child.
The American educational system is not teaching people how to think conceptually, people coming out of high school and college today often have abysmal levels of training in logic. Many pedagogical techniques actively discourage thinking in principles, and thus make students all the less ability to function in a rationally conceptual manner.
The experience also induces in its victims the totally false asssumption that educational achievement is inevitably associated with classrooms. I have personally met professors who doubted the authenticity of Shakespeare, simply because he or she had not gone to college. The academic profession has a VERY strong antipahty to the idea of self-education.
An example of what cllege provides you with: Richard Feynman
-there was a sociologist who had written a paper for us. I started to read the damn thing, and my eyes were coming out: i couldn't make a head nor tail of it! I had this uneasy feeling of " i'm not adequate " untill finially i said to myself, " i'm gonna stop, and read ONE SENTENCE at a time, slowly, so i can figure it out what the hell it means ". So i stopped- at random- and read the nest sentence very carefully: " The individual memeber of the social community often receieves his information via visual, symbolic channels ". I went back and forth over it, and translated. You know what it means? " People read. " then i went over the next sentence, and i realized that i could translate that one also. Then it became a kind of empty business, all trivial or absurd statments but written in such a fancy way that i couldn't understand them at first, and when i finially deciphered it, there was nothing to it.
Rene Descartes entered the College Royal in 1604 and for eight years, he studied there. In sprite of the admitted soundness of this education, Descartes felt that he had derived little advantage from his studies, and he resolved to acquire first-hand knowledge from thought and experience rather than from books.
People with no college degree:
-Bill Gates
-Henry Ford
-William Shakespeare
-Thomas Edison
-Micheal Browne
-Wilbur and Orville Wright. Oriville did not even graduate from high school.
People with no high school dipoma:
-Peter Jennings, the famous news broadcaster
-David Thomas, the founder of Wendy's
-Percy Spencer, who invented the microwaves oven, never got past grade school.
-Rose Totino-in 1951 she got a loan to open a pizzeria (in Minneapolis) by baking one of her pizzas and serving it to a banker. by the late 1960's totino's was the top selling frozen pizza in the USA. In 1975 Pillsbury bought the company for $20 million and rose, a high school drop-out, become Pillsbury's first female vice president.
People like these should be considered college rise-outs, not drop-outs. College teaches you a lot of things to think about, but it doesn't teach you how to think. It lays a bunch of courses on you without any idication of the underlying principles that tie all human knowledge together, and make it pssible for an individual to make rationally-formulated judegments about the circumstances of his or her life. A sensible college would spend the first year teaching the philosophic fundamentals and only then go on to teach specific areas of study resting on these fundamentals.
But there is only onephilosophy that consists of such a set of "underlying principles that tie all human knowledge together " and that is only objectivism, a course of study that is being offered in no college that i know of.
Objectivism, like the Scientific method, is valid and is true. As a result, it has practical offects and benficial consepuences for human existence if properly applied to one's life.
The principles of Objectivism give rise to a set of guildlines for practical actions. If those guildelines are applied in one's personal life, the result will be a successful life. Objectivism is not a philosophical fantasy, but a living, concrete procedure by which a rational individual can learn the laws of the universe and implement them in his or her personal life. It is, as Rand observed: " A Philosophy for a living on earth ". Once you understand what you can accomplish with the help of this tool, your methods of thinking and acting change: eventually the entire pattern of your life changes.
This living, concrete picture is itself profundly convicing: the observation of my personal li fe has produced conversions and induced a commitment to the idea of rationality in other people. As this sort ofconversion and commitment spread to more and more people, it will, hopefully, become a movement, adherence to which will distinguish one as enlightened, and ignorance or denial of which will makr one as intellectually retarded or superstitious.
Those who reject Objectivism are akin to those who renounce the scientific method, thereby depriving themselves of humanity's most powerful instuments of knowledge. Both groups are doomed to a stunted level of intellectual capability. People who ignore objectivism are simply going to become irrelevant and, eventually, extinct. People who accpet and use it are, like me, going to prosper.
Do you want to know where the cheapest place to go to college? Bible college. i mean, you only have to buy one book....(smile)...
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| The Prices of Gasoline around the World..... |
[27 Jul 2006|10:57am] |
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Hello American Citizen. I've noticed the gasoline went up from 0 percent to 15 percents which it add .75 cents in per gallon.
(This chart is from CNN's web site April 7, 2005 to present Gasoline)
prices around the world, are expressed in US dollars per gallon.
Netherlands Amsterdam $6.48
Norway Oslo $6.27
Italy Milan $5.96
Denmark Copenhagen $5.93
Belgium Brussels $5.91
Sweden Stockholm $5.80
United Kingdom London $5.79
Germany Frankfurt $5.57
France Paris $5.54
Portugal Lisbon $5.35
Hungary Budapest $4.94
Luxembourg $4.82
Croatia Zagreb $4.81
Ireland Dublin $4.78
Switzerland Geneva $4.74
Spain Madrid $4.55
Japan Tokyo $4.24
Czech Republic Prague $4.19
Romania Bucharest $4.09
Andorra $4.08
Canada $3.89
Estonia Tallinn $3.62
Bulgaria Sofia $3.52
Brazil Brasilia $3.12
Cuba Havana $3.03
Taiwan Taipei $2.84
Lebanon Beirut $2.63
South Africa Johannesburg $2.62
Nicaragua Managua $2.61
Panama Panama City $2.19
Russia Moscow $2.10
U.S.A. $2.34 (now it is $3.00 after Katrina)
Puerto Rico San Juan $1.74
Saudi Arabia Riyadh $0.91
Kuwait Kuwait City $0.78
Egypt Cairo $0.65
Nigeria Lagos $0.38
Venezuela Caracas $0.12
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| The New Year Resolution (Part one) |
[27 Jul 2006|10:55am] |
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To the readers:
First of all, I would like to invite you read my blog. These paragraphs give you an idea of what my introspection to this New Year solution. I’m sure most of you thinking, "what is my solution for this year?" it could be anything like yourself, your families, friends, schools, jobs, and much more.
This is an opportunity for me to share with you from my apprehension of thoughts and emotion through my senses. I got to admit, it was quite prevalent when I think about my life; shifted gear into drastic things I’m bit addled by what I see and feel because I couldn't comprehend the situations I’ve dealt with my living situation, school and the source of living.
My identity
I remembered the day I am the one that deviated from the normal family from years back then because I couldn't face a great deal with consisting of unconnected distinct part- ears and sounds. When I touch the sound without my ears, it suddenly got me into petrify moment because I didn’t know my own identity. I look at their eyes with my own infuriated, that an existence of deafness was not acknowledged. I remembered a quote from one person with my own indicative of anger: You cannot equate success in society matters without ears, then I replied as I quote: then you and others have distinguished themselves as dedicated dumbest social people. From that moment I decided to be apart from the world with sounds because they chose not to understand from the people without ears. And now, when I see a faces of whom I love the most, it sudden strike me the most important part I’ve missed-a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of others family & friends. That’s right, folks. It’s been a long, arduous, exhausting war on my mind, spiritually, and physically without family or friends. I've actually battled to make a strenuous effort in my life. I remembered the feeling of being prevented from accomplish my purpose: persistent society frustrated my attempt to make the differences in others. Now, I look at my family and asked, " Ok...what’s my purpose in this world? Is it the power that predetermines events? It is inevitable? Is it the route made for a particular purpose for me? " My family gave me a simplest answer, "Time will tell, when you see it, you will know why ". And right before the realization drop a load of bricks on my face, perceptible sounds come with rhythmically and rapidly to comprehend the nature and significance of my deafness which all of this has not become discerned. I decided to touch the shake with slight rapidity, tremulous movement to understand myself. The sounds is successfully; a master of apposite and evocative sound images. Finally, the time is told, the answer I sought is here. This may be the conclusion for me- I shall indulge the inclination so natural in my thoughts and heart. From now on, I'll try everything in my ability to take care of myself and have a positive formulate in my mind because negative thoughts in my mind toward to the people was requisites back then, "This world is full of shit. I’ve seen too much defeatism, too much pessimistic, too much of negative approach..." And so on with my full of whining complains. Now, when people look at me as a deaf man, perceived with their own eyes, knowing oppression & subculture have persisted in years, years, and years. Indicated possession of a specified power, rights, or privilege in their veins to act of oppression toward me & others deaf people compelled the system to modify but in my own hand with an arbitrary choices, I'll shoot that motherfuckers and make their both knee on the floor and suck my big fat California cock (I wish). Anyway, the whole essential part of the world and me, as a deaf man, is an aberrances among of humans broadly distinguished from other groups by mutual interests, participation in characteristic relationships, shared institutions, and a common culture. To my understanding in historically, the very beginning of deaf people has not been revealed because of oppression. The deaf people formed a small socially transmitted behavior patterns, beliefs, thoughts, community, and all kind of stuff just like everyone else but people thought we were "cursed" by gods because we were different, which not true. They kept us down. The result of refinement call upon deaf people to continue an act of defiance to the groups of people who adored an idea to establish us in their own words such as "mute", "disability" and to oppressed, also. In society, from history to present, still persisted its culture- large number of similar kind and in quantity to surmounts opposition of inhumanity. In my estimation of prevailing view, those people who behave in a specified "fucked-up" manner toward deaf people, don’t have a quality of being able to acknowledge us and our perceive the sense of physical sensational and thoughts....
To be continued...
Written by Anthony R. Martinez
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| My Introspection |
[15 Jul 2005|10:05am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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In the beginning of my birth, My brain is a bit addled by what I see because I didn’t know what’s the purpose of bring me in this world without a ear. By our consanguinity, I’ve learned how to deal with consisting of unconnected distinct part- my ear and people's ear. In our perspective tend to have discrepant (disagree) in most of time. Nothing can innovation in our thoughts but we can apprehension in our perspective by look at multiculturalism. I know my families and hearing people don’t understand by the concept of having an ancestor in humanity to descend from a one different breed- deaf man. I know, somehow, apparently irreversible succession acceptation from the past through the present to the future. How? By the suppressed. Hearing people has been put me and deaf people off by suppressed because they wanted us to change our humanity to their colloquial (language).
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| Tribute to nice guys |
[14 Jul 2005|04:09am] |
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mood |
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This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
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| MY LIFE & EXPERIENCES |
[16 Sep 2004|03:19pm] |
1) what do you love the most about your self, anthony?
mm...the thing i love the most about me is FULL OF CONFIDENT.
2) what do you hate the most about you??
uh..not forgiven people for what they have done to me. but i'm learing right now..how to..uh..forgive people.
3) have you ever hurt people before in your life?
um..this is where i don't want to go there with a whole details of where, when, what, who, and why. but yes, i have done hurt people before. here's little more specific..i never hurt girls before in my life. just men, only.
4) do you feel bad about hurted people before in your life?
uh...*sighs*..well..sometimes. when i get to sleep..sometimes i have this bad flashback...i have this often bad dream and seeing all these people's face. it's those people who i hurted. and sometimes it get me thinking " these people could have kid of their own, and their own mother, too. "..you know what i mean? it's scary thought. this is where i'm going through right now. well..before i didn't feel a thing about them because i hate them so much and showed them "NO MERCY"..you know? and now it's like..i feel bad and wish i could go back and fix it and give them a chance to.um..live their life, you know?
5) have you ever safe people's lives before?
yes, i have. this 2 girls who i'm currently in touch with them. they're my friends still. and uh..i have this scar on my left arm..it's right above my heart area. it was painful from the knife. and there's another scar on below on my left eyes. it's was from metal bat and hitted twice and i got knocked out. and almost gone become blind.
6) why did you saved their lives?
um..well..i'm not kind of person where i could stand there and let it happen to them..i couldn't bear it to see it because they're such an angels to me.
7) what's the different between of hurted people and saved people??
well..those people who tried to hurt me and destory me, my friends and families, this is where i couldn't get in a control of myself because it's goes way beyond my anger, you know? to that point, this is where i had to do something about it. and those people who didn't hurt me or never will hurt me, that is where i won't harm them and be there for them whenever they need me the most.
8) have you ever seen a dead people right front of you?
um..yea..*sighs*..it's was UGLY to look at it. i remembered this one guy...he's friend of my friend. he got hit by honda car and he was flipped in the air and went over the PLAM TREE and landed on the sidewalk and bounce off of it in 4 times and his backbones was popped out of the skin and he couldn't move and his back skull was cracked wide open and bleed alot and his head was shaking..i was standing next to him..i took my t shirt off and cover it on his head and his head was still shaking and then when the police arrived at the scene, his head was stopped shaking which mean he's dead..it's took few minutes to get your brain stop running functions in your whole body and shut it down in no time. when i got home, i couldn't sleep and i was sitting in the living room..with ligbt off and i was thinking and thinking and thinking. i swear..i couldn't eat for one day. it's was ugly to see.
and um..i remembered this one dude named luis. we all were sitting in my cousin's car. i was sitting behind luis which he's in the front and i'm in the backseat and uh..i was rolling a joint and he was laughing and all...and then this one black dude..walked by the window and pulled out the gun behind his back and the gun was uh..573.MAGUM HANDLER SILVER. *whatever the spellling* and shot right by his right side of the head and his lower stomach on his right. and it went through the window and his body was so compelely shaken while he shooting at him and i was shocked and froze and didn't move at all and this black dude took off and ran..and my cousin was like " shit..let's roll!! " and then luis was shaken and groans loud because it was so painful for him to feel and the blood was all over the passenager seat and by that time we arrived at the hosipital, he was OUT. he didn't wake up and my cousin was so worried and i was concerns about his life and uh...in result, he's gone. i'm sure me and my cousin still remembered him. it's was so devasted to see his families & friends hurt and alot of tears because he's just only 20 years old.
..i remembred my uncle tim. this is my dad's sister's husband which she is now a window and getting married. anyway..my uncle tim died from overdose in heroin. you see..i wasn't there but i saw my another uncles was doing heorin and i saw them passed out..and i didn't know what to do and my cousins was shocked and we were worried because we have the kids in the hosue and don't want the cops to come so what we did was take their clothes off..i mean..in naked..take all the clothes off and turn the cold water on in the bathtub and let it fill it up. while we were doing it, my uncle's face was so pale and turn into purple..it's was ugly because it look like he's DEAD. his body was whole complete shut off. anyway..when my uncle was naked, one of my cousin drove to the store to get alot of ices...alot of ices. and we put my uncle in the bathtub..make sure it's cold water and keep slapping his face and put all the ice in the bathtub and contiune slapping his face and pour alot of water on his face and keep doing it untill his eyes moves..it's took us an hour and half to wake him up. you see..when the body shut down, you guys have to give the cold ice and water to wake the body up because if you guys didn't..the warm body is running slow and the blood will in eventually..stop running and from there..the body will be stop and shut down and it's known as DEATH. yea..when he wakes up..his body can barely moves and let him rest in the bathtub for an hour or so..keep his body colds..that's very important.
you see...i have experiences..1 out of 15 people seen the death and all. i'm one of them..i know god put me in that situation for a reasons. so..whenever happen around me..i know i'm very prepare and know what to do and i'm very concerns, too.
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| you know... |
[08 Sep 2004|11:30am] |
mm..you know...since i've been in the shelter..and working with homeless people. from what i see, not alot of people are willing to help homeless people. welll yea..i'm sure people says " yea i do help them..all i did was gave them few changes or dollars "...well..that's not it. what i meant is..have you ever gave your favorite clothes away? well i have done it. have you gave $10 dollars or more...? i have done it. have you ever..clean the toilet seat that it has SHIT all over the place and brush it off with toothbrush? i have done it. have you ever pick up the blanket and fold them and some of them have piss and shit on it? yea..i have done it. have you ever..smell...smell...REAL HOMELESS PERSON that haven't got in the shower for MONTHS? i have done it. there's one person named jason. he's mental ill. he have his own cell phone. but get this...one day..i saw him talking on the phone for hours..he was like " oh hi mom!! " or " *laughing*..mom your so funny!! "...and then i had to do my duty..and i told him to get off the phone while they are serving the chruch. and he refused. so i took the phone away from him and GET THIS..THE PHONE..HAVE...NO..SERVICE. and for moment..i just thought right away..HE MISS HIS MOM AND HE HAS NOBODY TO TALK TO. so basically..he just trying to keep himself happy by pretending to communicate with his mom on the phone which the phone have no service. i was little disappointed, you know? and ever since i just willing to sit across from him and talk to him and he just smilies and talk, you know? at lease i'm there for him. you know..alot of people out here..don't really see a REAL ME when i'm in shelter. I GAVE SO MUCH, MY BEST EFFORTS TO MAKE THEM HAPPY..whenever they need the most. i remembered i had this NICE BLACK DOCKER PANT..and it's my favorite..and this black dude..he was so POOR and have 3 kids with him at the cafeteria..and he has this eyes that tell you " CAN YOU HELP ME??? "..you know? so i just went down to my closet and i took the pant out of my suitcase..and i went up to him and handed him my pant...i swear to god..i have never seen a real poor man smiles in his life. and he said " oh my..thank you...*sniffs*..thank you " i told him " it's alright..keep it..it's look good on you "
sometimes i would join a group of people and chill with them. they have bunch of wisdom you would never thought of and sometimes they give me their CRACK-TALES STORIES. i know this one guy..his name is wayne. he's black. and he's only like what...38 years old or some. he is homeless..because he have 3 heart attack and cost him a house. i asked him " how that happened ? " he said.. " i didn't have provide health plans...and the hosipital cost too much but my health is came in natural which i can't afford myself to be health " and i thought " man..what the fuck??? i mean..if anybody up in here got heart attack just because it came in natural...can it be FREE???? AT NO CHARGE??? " but you know..america is A DICK. but yet it's cool to have this country being all FREEDOM AND SHITS BUT STILL..A DICK.
you know..i never forgot this man. he still in my mind sometimes. his name is POPPY SNIRF. i don't know why they called him that. he's only 88 years old. he got his cane...old hat...white beard....and his skin is really fragile and sensitve. i had to take it easy on him and be there for him. whenever he need..i just come up to him and be his personal assist, you know? but not this..uh..*chuckles*..bath thing because one time he asked me to lift him up from the shower and i thought " HUH? ME? "...anyway...one day..when i walked out of the shelter..i just walking to the store..and he just..*remembering*...*laughing*..damn..he doesn't give A FUCK. i mean..he would walk across the street while there's car oncoming. he just walk really...really..slow like a turtle..and i stand there and watch him walk across the street and there's bunch of cars piled up a line and honking because they are waiting for him to walk across the street. it's takes about 4 minutes for him to get there. *lol* he's FUNNY. and then when i walked across the street..and i just walk contiune to the store and then when i got out of the store..i walked passed by him and i stopped and catch up to him..and i started to have a short conversation with him..and get this...the conversation is somehow led to..um...personal thing for him to say. he cried and said " i can't find my family "..and he contiune crying..and i told him "..look..you got me, alright? you have me. i'm your only friend. i know you don't talk to anybody at all..but HEY...i'm here, right? want some hug? "..i came to him and gave him a hug..he sneeze so hard and it's got some..um..ugly stained on my white t shirt. but..when i hug him..it hurt me too because it remind me of my family and friends. and i started to thinking.." why am i here in washington? am i really stupid for doing this for one person? am i? "..and i just stopped thinking about it and started to talk to him contiune, you know? and then..um...i told him that we can take a picture together so he can keep it which..i never did because i forgot and sometimes he would lay next to me...as neihgorhood, you know? he would just sleep like...um..i dont know...you know when you go to sleep..really easy..? yea..he just close his eyes and sleep..like..easy. and then..few weeks later..he just..disappear. and i just started to wonder..is he gone? is he in heaven? and..um...*shurgs*...2 weeks ago..i found out..he passed away...no one..um..attend to his funeral. i found out that..his wife and his daughter and his sister passed away because of heart attack and heart diease. and now..he's in heaven and happy up there. he was so alonely man. he wouldn't talk to anyone and kept his mouth shut because he lost the most important persons in his life. i felt bad, you know? i don't know what would my family do if i die in here..in this state of washington, you know? *sighs*..i miss him, yea.
well..i guess that's about it. their lives..is now in my head..and...it's really sad and touchy for me to see them what they had gone through. *sighs*...
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| ...here's the story.. |
[19 Jul 2004|02:02pm] |
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there's a WHITE 9 years old boy sitting on the bus bench..and waiting for the bus to arrive. when the bus arrive..he walked in and sit behind the bus driver. the bus driver drove the motherfucker out...and then the boy started talking SHIT! he was yelling and said " if my dad was a cow and my mom was a buffalo then i will be the BULL! " and somehow the bus driver starting to wondering why that little white boy got to talk SHIT. the boy contiune talk SHIT with "IF's". the boy yells and said " if my dad was pony and my mom was a zebra then i will be the HORSE! " the bus driver started to feel ANNOY and PISS. the boy contiune with non-sense bullshit going on. the boy yell and said " if my dad was a little elephant and my mom was a big ass elephant then i will be the big ASS elephant with the HORN! " the bus driver just got PISSED and HAD IT ENOUGH! and all the passengers think that little boy got to be one CRAZY ASS MOTHERFUCKER. the bus driver decided to stop the bus in the middle of the street, and turned around, YELL and said to the boy " WHAT IF YOUR MOM WAS A HOOKER AND YOUR DAD WAS AN ALOCHLIC, WHAT WILL YOU BE THEN?!?! " and then the boy smiled and said " THEN I WILL BE THE BUS DRIVER! "
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| *laughing*... |
[16 Jul 2004|03:39pm] |
..here's the story..
moe is 12 years old, home alone as this moment. while his older brother, tommy, is out somewhere to pay some bills.
moe call his brother on the phone and said " tommy can you come home please? right now..please..i need help " and then tom said " what? do you need a help? come on..you're big boy now.. " and then moe said.. " no..i'm serious! " and then tom asked " what is it? what's the problem? " and then moe said " well..there's a BIG CUP that says i have to fill it up and i can't fill it up because i don't have ENOUGH for it..i thought maybe you can fill it up because i know you have ENOUGH." and tom thought it's got to do with money and the soda..so he went to the store and bought 2 liter soda..and then when he arrive home..and came in and saw.. " MOE!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR DICK?! OH MAN! GET YOUR HAND OFF YOUR DICK! IF THE CUP SAYS *JACK IN THE BOX*..IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO JACK YOUR DICK AND FILL IT UP IN THE CUP..GOSH, MAN!! THAT'S GROSS! "...
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[20 Dec 2003|01:42pm] |
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mood |
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Hi! This anthony...actually. this is my first time using LJ. Let me tell
you about me, first of all..I want to say if it wasn't for eva, I
wouldn't be here typing my L.J. or have her as a best-friend in the
whole world *smiles* mm...you know, I don't understad its part of deaf
culture. there isn't much of deaf world in me, you know? I would called
myself Bi-social, which I'm involved both world. I have been taughted
throughout my life. If anyone like you want to expand yourself in my
shoe, you will find it very extraordinary and wisdom in me. Do you think
people should critical on others? Critical isn't neccessary. When people
critical for who you are, think clearly, they are jealous of who you are
or possible want to becoming like you or want you to becoming like them
(or this person). People only just want to feel or think similar within
themselves. There's lot of people who certainly don't accept for who I
am. I'll explains to you more in my wisdom guilde when I have time. Have
a nice hoilday. :-)
anthony martinez
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